Football mams are nuts

Just been to watch my daughter play football for the first time.

Fuck me – football “mams” (as my mate doddsy would say) are nuts.

“Mark up”, “push forward”, “tackle”.

Not sure I can bear this horrendously competitive atmosphere.

Fast forward 40 minutes, my daughter is playing forward and suddenly I am joining in. Not only that, I am the worst offender.

“Come on, mark up”, “get up”, “get free”, “what are you playing at”, “you are offside (I didn’t understand the offside rule 5 minutes ago).

I am also looking like a total twat sat on a chair pitchside in the pissing rain surrounded by OAPs who are standing. In my defence I am stiĺl recovering from surgery and can only be on my feet for a limited time but I look fine and no one else knows I have a legitimate excuse for being sat on a chair. I just look like a lazy twat.

Sitting on a chair was not a good idea. Now rainwater has soaked down the back of my legs, my knickers are wet and water is dripping down my inner thighs.

Why didn’t I bring a Dryrobe? Yes we all laugh at Dryrobe knobheads but they are all laughing at us now, cosy and warm inside there changewear whilst I am soaked to my knickers.

Still it was worth it to see my youngest get “an assist”. I also didn’t know what that was until today.

My Red Dryrobe is now packed in the car boot for the next match. I am an official football nutty mam.